Second Chance

"I… The next Friday is my last working day," Anandi said, locking her eyes with Nachiket's. He didn't say anything for a long time. He just sat there, staring at her, pursing his lips. Well, he also wet his drying lips with his tongue a couple of times, but stunned nonetheless.

"So, you have finally decided," at last Nachiket said.

"Oh, I had decided long back. I am only acting it out now. You hadn't realized it yet." Then came the Anandi-special pause. "You haven't realized it even now." She finished her cold coffee. "Are you going to finish that?" The idli in Nachiket's plate was untouched, soaked in the sambar and chutney.

"You… Idli… Leave that alone. Yes, I'm going to eat that." He couldn't bear looking at her now. How can she remain so aloof, given the situation? But this wasn't anything new that she was doing. Over the past four months he had struggled with this question and hadn't reached close to its answer. He was having difficulty swallowing. He drank about half a glass of water to wash the stuff down.

Four months! He used to work as a freelance copywriter, taking on projects from India and the US. About six months back he had decided to gain some experience working in an ad agency. To that end he had joined the advertising and marketing agency of Manish and Surabhi Godbole. The elderly Atmaram Mohapatra, working there as their chief accountant for the past umpteen years, was his neighbor. He had helped him get the job. The agency itself wasn't all that big. It had three copywriters including him, the two owners – MaGo and SuGo – along with Anandi looked after the sales function, for DTP and other similar stuff they had two girls Amruta and Geetika, and Mohapatra aka ATM had an assistant Prasenjeet in the accounts section. SuGo used to outsource the drawing and animation work to her friend's firm. They did have a good turnover despite being a small spread. The other two copywriters – Abhay and Kedar – had about 7 years of experience between them.

His first friend in the agency was Anandi. He fell in one-sided love with her in the very first week of joining. Then, after having spent a lot of time with her over the next couple of months shopping, having lunches and dinners, or just roaming around, he thought he should express his feelings. Finally, after much internal debate, he found the courage to do so while out for lunch with her.

"Are you crazy?" She started firing him. Oh, and did that for a long time. At least, that's what it seemed like to him. It wasn't more than a couple of minutes. In a low but firm voice she continued without pause.

When she came up for breath he ventured in a nearly-dead voice, "But why?"

"You really want to know? It's a long story, but I'll make it short. There was this colleague of mine in my previous organization. The a-hole was a Computer Sciences engineer, but he liked advertising so he had joined us. For fun. His name was Saurabh. He knew, and made no secret of the fact, that he wouldn't last in the company for more than a year.

"Shortly afterward I fell in love with him. He was also in sales, so we had numerous occasions to work together. We worked together, developed a good rapport, became very good friends, fell in love with each other, and we expressed our feelings to each other. What they call the majja-ni life. I was on cloud nine in those days. Really, the world seems so beautiful when you're in love. But the fact that that beauty, that sweetness, is perishable – the thought never touches you. Eight or nine months elapsed in the blink of an eye.

"One fine day Saurabh said to me, 'Nandi, the day after is my last day here. I have quit.' Just these two sentences. I came down from cloud nine without the benefit of a parachute.

"Naturally I said, 'When did you decide? You resigned and didn't even tell me?' I was close to tears. The good thing was that we were in a cabin, so nobody else saw. For a long time I sat with my hands gripping my head tightly.

"He had got an offer from an IT company. The salary was of course astronomical. He mollified me with some words, I forget which. I should have realized then what was in store for me. But I was the romantic fool in that relationship. Maybe I didn't WANT to understand. I believed that our love would survive this separation. For some time it did, too.

"About a year later he went to the US. 'Only for a couple of years, Nandi. Let's get married when I return.' These were his last words at the airport. We talked every day for the first couple of months after he went away. Phone, Facebook, Skype – the usual routine. Gradually the frequency started dropping. One day I saw his FB status – In a relationship. With a thumping heart I went to his profile, hoping beyond reason to see if the status was related to me. The cover photo had some other girl. When I asked, he responded "I have found somebody more wonderful, so I'm breaking up with you." I cried my heart out that night. Maybe shed enough tears for a lifetime. Then I decided, no more shedding tears – either for him, or for anyone else. I needed to move on. I don't want to fall into this trap ever again."

Nachiket asked with a surprise, "So you want to remain a spinster for the rest of your life?"

"I might. Or I may change my decision. I don't know. I may even consent to an arranged marriage. As of today, I just don't care."

When they came out after lunch that day, he tried to ask, 'Do we remain friends?' Three times he opened his mouth but couldn't bring himself to say the words. He was puzzled about how to take this rejection. When he closed his trap a fourth time without asking that question, she seemed to read his mind and so she replied, "Yes, I like to spend time with you, to talk to you. I don't see why we can't continue."

And today she had dropped this bombshell. The thought crossed Nachiket's mind, 'Is Anandi avenging the wrong that was done to her by wronging me?' He smiled at the odd use of "wrong" in his mind. Other than that he couldn't do much else. He tried one more time.

"It may be true that you don't have feelings for me. But the fact remains that I have them for you. I have a huge soft corner for you. So it is quite difficult for me. Just remember, maybe not today but after a year or two, or maybe five or ten years, heck, 20, 25 or 50 years down the line – whenever you call, I'll be there for you. Forever. Promise."

Her smile in response was more radiant than ever. She took his hand in hers and said, "I know. I know how you feel, because I've been there. In that exact spot. I am very sure that even after fifty years from now I can really, really find support in you. But I don't feel about you the way you feel about me. And I'm NOT sorry about that."

“Still, always keep that in mind. I'll be there for you. No matter what happens in our lives, I WILL be there for you. Trust me on that.” He gently pulled his hand away.

The next Friday he met Anandi for the last time. While shaking her hand he said, "Tum mujhe bhool bhi jao to ye haq hai tumko. Meri baat aur hai maine to muhabbat ki hai."

She smiled and said, "I knew it! I knew you'd say something soft and mushy. Take care. There's a lot in life that you haven't yet had the chance to experience. Consider this one such lesson. And thank you for your feelings towards me. I can’t reciprocate, but your friendship is valuable for me. Thank you for that friendship."

But she never contacted him voluntarily. She did respond to Nachiket's What'sapp messages, but gradually that number also went down. One day she wrote to him, "Going to Australia next week. This is my email address. Be in touch." He called her number. She didn't pick up. He didn't call again.

Nachiket was very quiet for the next couple of weeks. His brain nearly stopped responding to external stimuli. It seemed to him like he was responding to people and situations from memory. 'Oh, I used to smile when I saw this person, so let me continue doing that.' He was going numb inside. His creativity had reached a new low. That started affecting his copywriting. So he spoke with MaGo and took a week off. He spent the first two days writing, venting out all his feelings in a notebook. Then he took his childhood friend Prateek on his motorcycle and spent a day just roaming around. Drank a lot, vomited a lot, laughed and cried at the same time while relating his story to Prateek. The week was over soon. He resumed office with a lighter head after this catharsis. Still Anandi refused to leave Nachiket's mind. She was the first conscious thought in the morning when he woke up. Hers was the first face that he saw in his mind's eye when he woke up every day. She was his last memory as he fell asleep every night. Since he was a habitually heavy sleeper he didn't have the sleepless nights that are so often glorified by the story-writers of the romantic genre. But during the day all of a sudden he would remember her for no apparent reason. On those occasions he'd feel an enveloping sadness. In these turbulent times his favorite lines of song became Yaad tu aaye, man ho jaye, bheed ke beech akela. He anyway used to listen to music when he worked, so that was a relief.

The next day MaGo called him to his cabin. SuGo was in attendance. So was Tejaswini, who had joined Sales in his absence. "Nick, there's a great opportunity of working at a client site. You'll have to go to ABC Pvt. Ltd. for a week. Observe their people, their work, their processes. Then prepare print and video copies for them. How do you like it?"

Nachiket felt some excitement. He had fantasized about landing this kind of client, this kind of work. "Yes, sir. I really wanted an opportunity like this. I'd definitely explore this," he said.

"Good, so from tomorrow onward – that is, Thursday, the 12^th, you and Tejaswini will report there." MaGo was saying. Why her, he thought fiercely. MaGo continued, "You'll be busy being creative all day. She will try to sell some other ideas to the client and she'll be finalizing the details of this deal with their top brass. And she's there to support you administratively. You'll be sharing a cabin there."

He sent a large email to Anandi that night. In this he described his excitement for the new project in detail. He still had a tiny little spark of hope that Anandi will respond to him warmly. She responded a couple of days later. It was just three words, "Good for you." Luckily he saw that email on Saturday evening. He got so wasted on Sunday that with great difficulty he became sober on Monday morning.

Tejaswini and Nachiket arrived at the client's office together on Thursday, the 12^th. They had a meeting scheduled with the client's Managing Director and three other officers for that morning. Sipping her coffee, the MD said, "Nick, your boss has told me so much about you. Tell me, have you worked on such a project before? And if yes, can you reveal the client?"

"No, ma'am. I have been wishing for a long time to work on such a project, but never got the chance until today. The clients generally don't agree to this kind of arrangement. For them it's a waste of time. More expensive too. So they make do with the generic copies. Also, since this is a relatively new concept, not everyone is open to it." Nachiket replied.

"Call me Radhika. So what have you thought about this? Show me your homework. Please wait a bit, Tejaswini. We have a meeting scheduled for 3 PM today, so we'll talk then. Let me look at the creative side first." Radhika told a fidgeting Tejaswini.

"With this campaign you want to create awareness. You want to tell the public who you are, what you do, who are your customers, what are your strengths and what's your vision. You are private limited now, but you want to go public in the next six to eight months. Hence this project. About a couple of months before the IPO you want to appear in the print and television media…"

Nachiket held the stage for the next 45 minutes or so. One of the other three left about five minutes in. Nachiket gave a good account of himself answering the questions thrown at him by the MD and the other two officers, convincing them of his ideas, accepting some of their suggestions, rejecting others with solid reasoning.

"Great. Tejaswini, let's meet at four this afternoon rather than at three. This took longer than I expected. But it was interesting. I am good with your approach." Addressing Nick with the last two sentences Radhika left the room with her associates. Nick dropped into a chair heavily. He drank the full glass of water in front of him in one go and reached for the water bottle for more.

"So where's our cabin, T?" He asked.

"We have this conference room to ourselves," she said tersely. She felt that her morning had been wasted. She had assumed that Radhika wouldn't be interested in what Nachiket had to say. Therefore she was hoping for an unscheduled meeting with Radhika before lunch. That plan had been blown to pieces now.

"Really? We're sitting here? No, no, no, no, no. This room is at the wrong end of a dead-end corridor. You can't even see the main hall. How can someone observe anything at all from here? It is like solitary confinement. Can you speak with Radhika or someone else and get a better place?"

Tejaswini replied, "I'll see what I can do. Can't do anything today. You heard Radhika telling me we'll meet at four. Can't do nothing before that."

"Oh, dear! My day will be wasted then. Please, please talk to someone else then. Do you know who's the admin head?"

"Mr. Jagadale is the admin head. He left five minutes into your meeting. Listen, I need to update this spreadsheet, so why don't you talk to him yourself?" Tejaswini turned to her laptop.

Nick came out of the conference room. A few steps' walk brought him to the main hall. It was quite large, with the capacity to seat about 30 people. Almost everyone was in office. To his right was the MD's cabin. Opposite to him, across the hall, were four smaller cabins. One of them had its curtains drawn. The other three didn't seem occupied.

"Excuse me, could you tell me where Mr. Jagadale sits?" He asked the girl sitting closest to him. She indicated to the cabin with the drawn curtains. "Greatly appreciate your help, I do," he said in his best Donald Duck voice and walked over to the cabin.

Mr. Jagadale asked him to pick any of the three vacant meeting rooms. He returned to Tejaswini and said, "Could you please step out for a minute? I want to show you something."

He brought her to the main hall. Standing at about the same spot where he was earlier, he indicated to the three rooms and said, "Pick one of these three. Let's settle down for life." That took the air out of Tejaswini's anger. Laughing audibly, she punched him in the back.

“Her highness would like the one farthest from the Admin office.” She said regally.

“Your wish is my command,” Nick went back to the conference room and brought both their laptops and backpacks. After settling down in the new room he said, "This is much better. You can see most of the people from hear. Even listen to some of them. This gives me a better feel of the office atmo. Remember, always keep these blinds open."

"Yeah, whatever," Tejaswini went back to her work.

Nachiket spent the first day strolling around the office, learning the way of working there, their departments, the staff, teams and team leads. Mr. Jagadale took him for a round of the office and introduced him to everyone. The next day he sat in on five different staff meetings. "I am the invisible man. I am the fly on the wall, the listening device you don’t have to worry about," he had already told them. He nearly completely filled up his notebook with the notes that he took during the day. After each meeting he came back to his room and recorded his first impressions on his mobile phone.

"Tomorrow is our last day in this office. Radhika is taking out us for lunch," Tejaswini informed him in the next week.

"Yes, I know it's our last day tomorrow. But lunch… all right. I wanted to speak with Radhika. I can do it during lunch," he said, making a note in his diary. He looked up after completing his note. Tejaswini was looking at him. "What's the matter, Miss Milkmaid?"

"What?" She was visibly startled.

"Miss Milkmaid. In the Hungarian language Magyar "t-e-j" means milk. Pronounced "t-e-y". So, Miss Milkmaid."

"Is that so! You're a real linguist, aren't you?"

"A bit of a linguist, yes. However, you haven't answered my question."

"Oh, that. I… I would… I wanted to ask… What are you doing Saturday evening? Would you like to come with me to the disco and dinner?" She quickly went back to her laptop screen.

"Hmm. Not the disco, but I'm good with dinner. No problem."

"Why not the disco?"

"I don't like those kinds of places. I like the quiet. Just sitting there. Talk sparingly to your companion if you have one, just sit in solitude if you don't. I'm quite a boring man in that respect."

"Fine. No disco then. No problem. Where should we go for dinner?"

"Anywhere. Wherever you can afford."

"What?"

"Yes. I am not partial to a specific restaurant or a specific cuisine. Hell, a roadside pav-bhaji will do for me." For a few seconds she didn't respond, so he looked at her. Confusion was spread all over her features. "After all, you are inviting me, aren't you?" She looked down and didn't say anything for a long time. "So, where do you think we should go?" He asked. Silence.

He stood up and went over to her seat. She was just sitting there, fingers on the keyboard, doing nothing. He patted her on the head and said, "I was joking. Don't be so serious. Please don't take it to heart. I was joking. Hey, little princess, look up."

He heard a guttural noise coming from her throat. He was surprised. Why was she on the verge of crying? Now he was confused. Did he say something inappropriate? She looked up at him. Her face had gone a fiery red. But it wasn't because she was crying. It was because she was stifling her laughter. As soon as they made eye contact she laughed out loud.

"I didn't think you'll come over to this side of the table so soon," she said after having laughed to her heart's content.

"You're a very good actress."

"So we'll go to the Malaka Spice."

"Done."

On Saturday Tejaswini left the office early. Nick was busy creating copy for a full-page newspaper ad. After completing the work he shut down his laptop and stretched his arms high above his head. His phone rang. It was Tejaswini, reminding him of their dinner schedule. Quickly wrapping up that conversation he splashed some water on his face, patted himself down and left for the restaurant.

He called Tejaswini after he parked his bike at the Malaka Spice. She was already in the restaurant, sitting at the table. For a moment he debated whether to keep the helmet on the bike or to take it in with him. In the end he took it in.

"Your helmet, sir?" A waiter extended his hand once he went inside.

He said, "Yes, and I have a bill to prove it," and, protecting the helmet from prying eyes, he took it with him to the table. He had seen something similar in an old Leslie Nielsen movie and he wanted to try it ever since. Today was the day.

When he saw Tejaswini his jaw dropped. She was wearing jeans and a bright top, far removed from her usual business casuals. She had let her hair down and was wearing a bit of makeup as well. Nick emitted a low whistle and said, "Are you sure you're you, and not your identical twin?" He was suddenly self-conscious of his own day-long attire and office-weary face. He shrugged mentally and pushed that thought away.

As he sat opposite her he said, "I don't talk that much. Seeing you like this would have rendered me speechless anyway. You look great. How long did you take to put on all that makeup?"

"Don't be stupid. There's hardly any makeup at all."

"Is that why you left at six today? You need this long to put on 'hardly any make up at all'?"

They talked throughout the dinner. Afterward Nick looked at his watch. He couldn't believe they had spent three and a half hours together. He stepped out of the restaurant with Tejaswini. "I'll drop you off at your place. Where do you live?"

"You lied to me." He looked at her askance. "I don't talk much. I like the quiet. I talk sparing, if at all – what did you do to that Nick? Where is he?"

"Oh, he's completely wasted. A lot of whisky doesn't agree with him. I left him with a friend of his. I don't know where he might at this moment." Some bitterness tried to creep in because this would have been a true statement a couple of weeks back. With effort he kept that bitterness out of his voice.

"Want to catch a movie tomorrow?" She asked him when they were on their way.

"Let's not. I would really like some quiet tomorrow."

"Izzat so? Just my bad luck. There's no silent movie in town."

"Don't take advantage of a poor man's condition. The poor man can just drop you instead of dropping you home."

"Promises, promises."

"Ha-ha. Very funny."

In office on Monday Tejaswini asked him, "Did you find that Nachiket? Where was he the other day?"

"Oh, yes. I found him all right. He was having dinner with your identical twin. That's what he told me," Nick replied, taking the ear buds out of his ears. Tejaswini guffawed. Pushing the buds back in his ears he went back to his work. He was remembering Anandi all that more today. With difficulty he was able to concentrate on his work.

He went on a few sales calls with Tejaswini over the course of the next few months. During some of her sales calls some clients had asked questions related to the creative process. She had scheduled follow-up meetings with those clients and had asked Nick to join her. Although this was taking Nick away from his core field of work, MaGo was happy because each client that Nick met with was successfully converted from a sales lead to a customer.

This was the reason their friendship got stronger as he started spending more time with her. He found that the "first and last waking thought" about Anandi were fading away rapidly. Although Anandi was always there in his mind, he had started realizing that there was no hope for him in that direction. She had stopped responding to him at all – she had stopped replying to his emails, she had been off Facebook for months now, and had already deleted her What'sapp account. And then, during one of their dinners together, Tejaswini said, "Nick, I… I seem to have started developing a strong liking for you."  

"I don't know what to say. Right now I – I'm not in the right frame of mind to think about this."

"I know. Is it because of Anandi?"

"What do you know about Anandi?"

"That you – you loved her and that she spurned you. That's what they say."

Nachiket smiled ruefully. "Says who?"

"Amruta and Geetika. Whenever I am in office at lunch time, I eat with them. So did Anandi. They said she told them about it." Nick was silent. He didn't mind this coming from those two. "You still remember her just as fervently?" Tejaswini asked gently.

"Yes. I remember her several times a day. Even when I'm with you. But I've lost touch with her for about six months now."

"I understand. It took me a long time to get over my last break-up."

Nachiket relaxed a bit. Just a bit. "What happened?" He asked because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Akhilesh was my classmate in college. We spent the last two years of college in love. Afterward he got a job with HUL. A sales job there means lots of travel all over the state. He had a dream – he wanted to be the Regional Head for the state before we got married. He had lots of time to do that and he was hard at work for it. Gradually I started realizing that his hard work was my nemesis. I tried to tell him in so many ways that our relationship should rate way above his sales calls. I tried to tell him myself, I tried to tell him via his other friends, his siblings, even his parents. But he was much too ambitious. Or maybe he got that way once he was in the job. He was always their star performer, the best sales person, employee of the year, highest volume award winner – he was hooked to that life. He just couldn't let go. He became a workaholic.

"To cut a long story short – I left him before his ignorance of my needs became too much to handle. I finally told him that when you realize that you are losing the most important persons in life to your ambition – that will be the time you'll remember me. But I won't be there for you then." Tejaswini was unable to continue. She sat there with her face cupped in her hands, elbows on the table.

"How long ago was that?" Again he asked because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Way more than a year. It will be two years in October."

"Let's celebrate the anniversary then." Tejaswini was smiling through her tears on this. She pulled herself together after a while and just sat there with his hand in hers.

"I like you very much. You know how to relieve the tension, lighten up the atmosphere. You – take your time. Maybe I rushed with this confession. I should have waited a little more," Tejaswini said.

"That's your right and my privilege. Let me sort out myself first. Let's see what happens."

Some days later on a Sunday evening Nachiket was sitting at a roadside tea stall with his friend Prateek. He narrated all that happened between him and Tejaswini to him. "You lucky dog, you. You lost one, and in no time got another. Mine just refuses to leave me," Prateek exhaled cigarette smoke away from Nick. Then he said with mock seriousness, "So what does His Majesty want to do now?"

"His Majesty is not sure what to do, my Faithful Subject. That's why His Majesty is conferring with you."

"Does His Majesty like Her Highness TJ?"

"His Majesty does, and that's a fact. However, Her Highness AN wouldn't vacate the Mind Palace."

"Hmm. So His Majesty can see his way to present this humble servant with a full bottle of Glenfiddich. This will bring His Majesty lots of luck."

"Dear Faithful Subject, let alone a full bottle, you don't rate even a quarter of Glenfiddich in His Majesty's books. So stop waxing eloquent and pay the tea vendor for today as well as for the last time."

"Your Majesty, it's not cricket. Last Sunday I had faithfully paid the Paanwallah. His Majesty is in a higher-paying service than the Faithful Subject. This doesn't become you, Your Majesty."

"His Majesty knows what you are trying to say, Faithful Subject. Since His Majesty is in a higher-paying service, His Majesty is a higher servant than the Faithful Subject. This is treason!"

"One man's treason is another man's tree with a reason, Your Majesty."

"Off with the man's head that speaketh unintelligibly."

"No, Your Majesty. The Faithful Subject has just had what they call a moment of revelation."

"Really? I knew I could count on you. Tell me all."

"No, you tell me when was the last time Anandi's memory disturbed you enough to make you stop your train of thoughts? Do you remember?"

"Now that you mention it, not really. But the mind doesn't want to let go of her thoughts."

"That's what you think. From what I understand, you don't remember her spontaneously anymore. What you have now are just withdrawal symptoms. Your brain can't bear her fading memories, so it tries to push them to the fore. But I think you're ready with a clean slate. Go ahead. Give it a try." Prateek threw the cigarette stub down and stepped on it.

That night for a long time Prateek expounded on this line of thought. When it was time to go home Nachiket stuffed the nearly half-filled Glenfiddich quarter in Prateek's bag and said, "Here you go, Faithful Subject. That's your prize for brain-washing His Majesty. Oh, yes, His Majesty is quite happy with your insubordination."

In response Prateek kicked Nick's behind and said, "Your Majesty is too kind. But Your Majesty should remember to enter quietly when he reaches home. And on no account to sing loudly while doing so."

The next day when he reached office Tejaswini wasn't there. He got busy with his work for the day. A while later Tejaswini entered office with SuGo. Both of them went straight to SuGo's cabin and closed the door. Nachiket was a little disappointed, but went back to work. The day proceeded in a similar manner. He did get to talk to Tejaswini, but every time there was somebody or other with her or within earshot. When this happened about half a dozen times during the day he was mentally resigned to his fate. In the evening when he was done for the day, he put his laptop in his backpack and looked around the office. Tejaswini was nowhere to be seen. He knew that she wasn't out on a sales call. He shrugged and left the office.

He was about to insert the key into the bike's ignition when he heard Tejaswini's voice from behind him, "I heard you were busy the whole day."

He inserted the key into the ignition and picked up his helmet. Turning to her he saw that she was smiling. "Yes, I was busy doing a video copy." She came and stood near him. There was silence for a few moments.

"I –"

"You –"

Both of them started speaking at once and then stopped. Both smiled. Nick was in a quandary. He wanted to express his feelings, yet wasn't getting a suitable opening.

Tejaswini said, "Do you want to tell me something? I felt throughout the day you were trying to say something but holding back."

Nachiket said, "Just a fraction of a line from my favorite song – Saanso ki sargam, dhadkan ki beena, sapno ki geetanjali tu." Their mixed laughter was sweeter than anything Nick had heard in a long time.